Realization: I'm Growing Up...

Wow, so another year has come to a close. A full and wonderful nineteen years I've lived and as each passes I feel myself grow a little more. My eighteenth year has been by far one of the greatest of them all. I've learned so much about me, about photography, about love, life and about family. I'm growing up! Thought that's a bit odd to say about myself, I guess, all I can say is that I feel it and I see it everyday.

In my photography, I've gone back in my archives and looked at my initial photos, and my processing, I saw that there was so little that I really saw through my lens. When I was shooting, I'm not sure if I even thought about how to frame the shot or what angle was best. I know didn't understand processing, at all, and on top that; I was too emotionally attached to each individual shot. I didn't want to delete anything unless it was completely horrid. I found myself asking, why? Why have 5 shots of exactly the same thing, with only slight change in each? It was a bit ridiculous. As I thought back, I could only pin it on my pride and also my desire to please too many people. I remember saying to myself, "Well maybe someone will prefer this angle, while someone else will prefer this one.. I'll keep them all, you never know." I was so into what other's thought of my photography that I didn't see that what they thought didn't matter if I wasn't happy with it myself.

How things have changed since then! I love photography so much more. While not a pro yet, I've learned so much and, I see improvement in each photo. I've learned some about processing and I'm happier with my final product. I'm not worried about pleasing an audience, or commercializing my shots, just developing my passion.

Another thing I've noticed in myself is that I'm acting more adult. Taking care of my own issues, getting jobs, leaving jobs, and talking to people of authority with little or no hesitation(that in and of itself is one giant step for me). Over all, I think the adult switch in my brain has finally clicked into the "ON" position and I'm seeing myself grow and excel in everything I do.

I've also realized that I am influenced by those whom I surround myself with, and that I've been wise in my choice of friends. Yassine and Diamond, I don't know where I'd be without them. They've helped me along this year, SO so much, and I know with out their little kicks in the rear I'd still be this withdrawn, quiet, little girl. I'm able to be myself and speak my mind WAY more than I ever have. So, I definitely have them to thank. Hope Elizabeth, as well, has helped me in letting me go a little, to learn and develop, without interjecting all too much. That helped me form my own opinions on things instead of morphing more and more into a "Hope II"...Not that the world couldn't use more Hopes...but it has been good for me.

But anyway,all that said, I'm very excited to see what more I'll learn and where life will take me in this new age.. Here's to 19!! :)